Saturday, November 10, 2012

Oh happy day....

Would you have thought that a cancer patient, who was undergoing chemotherapy, could carry out an entirely normal day of - OMG - fun? I wouldn't have. Cancer, and more so chemotherapy, were death sentences. Figuratively, if not literally. My perception was the sick, bald, sad person with their head in a toilet bowl for months, slowly wasting away and getting paler and sicker. I am under no illusions and know that this can sometimes unfortunately be the case. In fact sometimes I look like I could be the scary person who everyone is imitating for Halloween. It is not however the only possibility. One in three people reading this have been, or will one day be, diagnosed with cancer. One of the goals of this blog is to make that day a little less scary and to keep you all in the loop as to how I feel. Cancer, tumor, chemotherapy, radiation, prognosis, survival, relapse, these are scary words. They will consume your every thought if you allow them to. Don't allow them to, life goes on.

Today, Kyle and I went to Sioux Falls. We went to lunch, went to the movies and saw the new James Bond, went to the mall and then to Target. It was wonderful and such a good time. How can such an average day to most people be so so fun to me? Because I hadn't thought it would be possible. I thought I was doomed to a minimum of 4 months of life on hold. Not to mention the possibility of being the dreaded 1 in 25 who doesn't respond to chemo in this time. While I won't pretend that NO aspects of life are on hold, or that the fear of being that 1 in 25 doesn't maintain a permanent residence in my brain, or that there aren't days where I would give anything to just be someone else for a few months, life does indeed go on. And it's fun too.

Without cancer today would seem like any other day. I would not be appreciative of this day or anything it brought. The ability to see each and every day for what it is - borrowed time, a limited resource, something that will eventually run out - is a gift. Make the most of it while it's here. Do I sound like a crazy person yet? Or stoned at least - I did live in Washington for a while you know? Probably. But maybe one day you'll understand what I mean - but to be honest, I really really really hope that you don't.

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